Tapp's Travels

OK, I know I said we’d left Myanmar, but Glenda has just read the last few episodes and would like me to correct a couple of inaccuracies.  Firstly, there are in fact no direct flights from Heho to London.  Surely no one would have thought that there might have been!  I don’t think it’s possible to fly direct to the UK from anywhere in Myanmar!

Secondly, there ARE thought to be about 50 wild tigers remaining in the country.  The Hukawng Valley Tiger Reserve covers 21,890 km² in the far North of Myanmar. It is the world’s largest tiger reserve and, give or take a few km², is the size of Wales!  It is home to the country’s remaining wild tigers.  That’s about 440 km² for each tiger.  No wonder the population is declining.  The boy tigers can’t find the girls!  However, I still don’t think the ladies with the long necks have much to worry about on the tiger front!

We arrived in Singapore after a diabolical scheduled flight.  I say scheduled to distinguish it from the previous, ad hoc, commandeered type we had experienced out of Heho.  Glenda and I were allocated two seats in the same row.  Excellent news!  But we both had window seats!  With three adults and three babies in between!  Less than ideal!  All I can say is that three hours flying was plenty long enough.  The only consolation is that most of our party – who were travelling business class – were just one row in front of us!  I’m pretty sure that the noise of crying babies wouldn’t have been stopped by the curtain – even if they did have big seats and champagne!!!

Our stay at the Village Hotel Katong was peaceful enough – although it’s a bit far out of the centre.  Being on the Club floor entitled us to canapes, fruit and all manner of goodies to eat and drink in the evenings.  So that and breakfast had food covered.

A morning walk in the East Coast Park reminded us of two things.  How hot and humid it can be here and the amount of shipping that is always waiting offshore!

All that remained to do was to fix my phone.  Enquiries locally revealed that there was only one place to go for same-day repairs – Sim Lim Square.  This turned out to be a five storey shopping mall dedicated to the repair of phones, tablets and other electronic paraphanalia.  Dozens and dozens of mini-workshops.

And price fixing was the in thing.  Samsung S8 screen replacement? – “250 Singapore dollars sir”.  Everywhere!  So, one hour and $250 later and my dearly loved phone was back in service.  Yee haa!

While this was going on, Glenda hit Arab Street to bother the fabric sellers for an hour or so.  She did a really good walking-away-take-it-or-leave-it deal at $10 below their “absolutely-best-ever-possible-lowest-sale-price” for some lovely linen material.  I think they just wanted her out of their shop!

Departing Singapore was also a bit exciting.  After seven attempts at clearing emmigration by thumb-print technology, Glenda was taken aside and asked to explain herself to management.  Why was she travelling with someone else’s thumbs?  I mean, come on!  When leaving Changi it’s really important to come with your own fingers and thumbs attached.  After 30 minutes she managed to persuade the officials that maybe – just maybe – their super duper technology was at fault.  The closest she got to an apology was a statement “that perhaps she hadn’t pressed hard enough with her thumbs when she registered on the electronic system two days before!”

And so, to Australia.  And another “sub-optimal” flight.  The plane – a double decker – connected with a flight from India.  Now we have nothing against Indians – but when travelling in bulk with hundreds of screaming babies it’s just not cricket.  And the meal, which was probably adjusted for Mumbians’ tastes, was probably the worst airline meal we have ever been served.  JAL came close once – and you can’t really count BA because they’ve more or less given free food the heave ho – espcially on short haul flights.

Oh well, I know, if we can’t take a joke, get out of the kitchen!

The Holiday Inn at Melbourne airport was much better than last time.  We had a real room with a proper bed and no slamming doors and lift noises.  A good sign.  Australia was going to be GOOD.  There was no WiFi- but we are only here for 7 hours.  Then I had to tangle with Hertz.  Just like last time, the car I was offered had no luggage cover – and indeed was too small to take our luggage.  The computers were on go slow – so I was walked around the stock to choose another.  The one I chose had NSW plates (yellow) – and for some inexplicable reason was not available to take to Sydney (in NSW).  Neither of the office printers was working – “There’s been no toner in that one for two weeks!”  So, no paperwork!

Back in the car park I found another suitable car with luggage cover – broken but still hanging in there.  I forgot to mention to them that it too was a NSW yellow plater.  And with a copy of the paperwork printed at Europcar we were off!

Off to Westfield Shopping Centre to get a SIM for the lovingly restored phone.  Five minutes and $5 sorted the basic ALDI card.  Brilliant.  But it then took 24 stimulating hours to sort the activation and registration of the card and the installation of the online package which would eventually allow us to use the phone.  Apparently, my credit card details were somebody elses.  My passport was similarly owned by a stranger.  That’s all very well, but when we try to get back into Singapore with dodgy thumbs and the wrong passports we could be in for a long stay.  Luckily, Changi prison has been closed!  (… and turned into an airport!??)

We spent a few happy days in Apollo Bay with Jeff and Laurel (and a very persistent cough).  From here on I think things started to go swimmingly – apart from the cough which stayed with me for best part of three weeks.  So no more dramas – just a lovely holiday!

The beach was lovely to walk with Jeff in the (slightly) early morning.  The harbour area was heating up for the annual seafood festival and the huge ray that has taken up residency in the harbour put on a spectacular display.  On cue, about 20 seconds after Laurel told us about it!

It was bigger than it looks.  About a metre wingspan.

We then retreated to an apartment in Doncaster, an Eastern suburb of Melbourne, close to J & L’s new house which is being built in Blackburn.  (Another case of all the right town names – but not in the right order!)

We had dinner with J & L’s two sons, a daughter in law and a grandson, Kit.  We were treated to a rather fine sunset over the city…

… before an appearance of the International Space Station.  Jeff appears to have caught my addiction to watching it!  (Can you actually catch an addiction?) (And would you want that one, anyway?)

We visited the local “mountain”, SkyHigh in the Dandenong Ranges.  At 633 metres Mount Dandenong isn’t the highest mountain in Australia (see later for that!), but it’s quite a hill and definitely easier to get up by car than to walk!  Glenda fancies the house limo, but can’t find the key!

Anyway after a delightful stay with Jeff and Laurel (which included an inspection of their lovely-to-be new house), we launched off on our trip to Queensland.

And that’ll be another story!  But talking of stories…

DON’T STEP ON THE DUCKS!

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, “We only have one rule here in heaven: don’t step on the ducks!”

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!”

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on … very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?”

The guy says, “I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck!”